✨ Meet Cindy Toledo! ✨ One of the amazing authors featured in our upcoming book Being Brave, launching this December 2024!
In her heartfelt story, Grief to Growth, Cindy opens up about her journey through loss and how she found strength in resilience and transformation.
We love this quote from her:
"Never say never! You never know what your circumstances will bring."
What’s a moment in your life where you said “never” and life surprised you? Share with us below!
Let’s keep this conversation about courage and growth going.
Cindy is a remarried widow and mother to 2 grown daughters. She married young, suffered through a divorce, remarried and then became widowed after 22 years of marriage. Her widow journey led her to Modern Widows Club a national non-profit organization.
For the past 11 years, she has led a local MWC chapter and now is the Program Support Manager leading and training leaders across the U.S. Cindy was blessed to find love again and is remarried to Robert.
She can most often be found meeting with people, mentoring widows one on one and traveling with her husband. Her greatest desire is to love God and love people. She loves connecting with the FAVE community.
Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
The moment was July 19, 2011, when I came home late that night to find my husband dead from a sudden heart attack. In that instance, my life as I knew it and who I was changed forever. I was no longer Mike’s wife. I was his widow. Nothing about my life would ever be the same. I was fifty-seven years old, and this was not supposed to be. I was now solely responsible for my future and how I lived it. I would no longer be able to depend on my husband or the life I was now faced with leaving behind. The one thing I did know was that because God had been faithful so many times in my life, I knew I could trust Him to be faithful even in this.
Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
My transformation started that very night as I stood with my family and co-workers from church praying. Someone started singing “Amazing Grace.” Suddenly, I heard God’s voice say, “I am going to give you all the strength you will need. I will give you peace like you’ve never known, and I will give you hope for your future.” The significant thing about this is that even though I had a strong faith, I had lived a good share of my life filled with inner fear, and I’m not sure I ever had complete peace.
Even amid the grief, I truly say that I’ve had a deep peace ever since that moment and I knew because of God’s faithfulness through the years that I could trust Him. He has been true to the words He spoke to me that night. And I am forever grateful. I never would have wanted Mike to die, but I would not want to miss what I’ve experienced because of his death. In that moment, I knew that my greatest desire was to live this out honoring the life Mike no longer had and honoring God by living my life as fully as possible.
What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
Besides the words from God, I found a prayer called “Choose Joy.” I printed it and taped it to my bathroom mirror. I also divinely found a newly formed community called Modern Widows Club. The first blog I read had a sentence that said, “You’ve been chosen for this journey.” I printed that paragraph and taped it to the mirror. Every morning, as I struggled to face the day, I stood before my mirror, pulling my shoulders back and standing tall. I boldly repeated the prayer and affirming words you’ve been chosen. It empowered me to face the day ahead with strength I had never had before. I did this every day for two and a half years until it was part of my very fiber. Six months later, I traveled to Orlando to meet the founder of the Modern Widows Club and that set me on a new path.
Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
Before Mike’s death I worked, I had my friends, and my grown children. My life was consumed with the everyday mundane. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I used to wonder what my real purpose was. I felt like I was a good person. I cared about people. I organized, entertained, and served where I could. But I questioned: What was I doing that mattered and made a difference? I was fifty-seven and knew that over half my life had passed — so what was I really here for?
Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
I don’t remember having any doubts or fears. I felt lost without Mike, but I was miraculously not afraid. Every event and every opportunity that was placed before me I was compelled to move into it. When I traveled to Florida just six months after Mike died, I was filled with excitement to meet this person who had mentored me via email for all these months. I was so exhilarated after meeting her and attending the workshop and a gathering of the widows that I was over the moon giddy with the idea of coming home and starting a community here in the Seattle area. She warned me that I wasn’t ready, and she was so right. It was another year before I invited the first widows into my home.
What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
The biggest obstacle was the desire to move headfirst into this newfound desire to create a space for other widows to come and be encouraged to thrive and not just survive. But, although the desire was there, I truly needed to allow myself the time and space to grieve and to go through the grief and not try to go around it. We have a saying that if you don’t go through it, the grief will return sometime later, and you will go through it whether you want to or not.
The other obstacles I faced were family and friends. Unless someone has lost a spouse through death, there is no way they can understand what you are experiencing. Many times, they mean well, but their words, actions, and attitudes can be condescending and discouraging. The other challenge was Mike’s death came during an economic downturn. We had made some financial decisions that would have turned out fine, but he died in the middle of “riding it out.” So, my financial status changed. I lost our home and battled that insecurity of being a single person when I had been married my entire adult life.
Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
Besides the “Choose Joy” prayer and the phrase, “You’ve been chosen for this journey,” the other thing I will never forget is my brother sitting on my bed the morning after Mike passed. He had driven all night from Boise to Seattle to be by my side. His words are something I think about often, and they were, “This may sound harsh, but it is what it is. Every morning when you get up, you are the only one who can decide how you are going to live this out.” To this day, I remember that and know that it also was a catalyst for moving forward.
What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
Two people were my role models. One was my mother. My mother had me when she was sixteen, so we kind of raised each other. She was a very strong woman of faith. She was someone I watched my whole life depend on God. Her life was not easy, but no matter what, I knew her strength came from her faith. The other person was Carolyn Moor, Founder of Modern Widows Club. She became widowed at thirty-seven with two children, ages two and four. After ten years of searching for widow role models, she decided to begin inviting widows into her home once a month. I was at the third meeting. Now, MWC is a national non-profit, serving over thirty-four communities in the United States and internationally. She mentored, encouraged, and empowered me to become a widow mentor and leader.
How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
I’ve said before, and I will always say, I never would have wanted Mike to die, but I never would want to miss what I’ve experienced because of his death. My doubt about my purpose in life is gone. I know what my purpose is, and I know I’ve been chosen for this journey. I’m confident in that, and because of that, I have a peace that I have never had before. While life always presents challenges, when you know you are where you are supposed to be it is easier to roll with the challenges and move forward with courage to take the next steps.
What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you’d like to share with others?
I have two things I like to say: “Never say never! You never know what your circumstances will bring. God isn’t done with us until we take our last breath.” The other is, “We are stronger than we think we are. Our brain believes what we tell it.” So, I truly believe that my exercise of standing and speaking boldly in front of that bathroom mirror every day, reciting the words to that life-affirming prayer, and reminding myself I had been chosen for this journey became embedded in my mind, spirit, and very being. We have the ability to change who we are by feeding ourselves life-affirming information.
What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
I never dreamed that I would truly find what my purpose in life was. I never dreamed I would have the honor of mentoring and leading widows from grief to growth and seeing them go from surviving to thriving. I never dreamed I would have relationships with widows all over the world. I never dreamed I would meet a widow on Facebook and later travel to Kenya, where we would become true sisters. We are family! I could go on and on. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
Courage is stepping outside of your comfort zone and stepping into the unknown with faith in yourself and your Maker to do the thing you never would have dreamed you could do. Never let your fear keep you from doing what your heart and your spirit are calling you to do.
Is there a particular message or advice you’d like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
I love the phrase “Let it unfold.” We often think we have to know everything and that we have to manipulate or fix the circumstances. If we can step back and let it unfold, so many things will just take their natural course without our worry, fretting, and manipulating. Also, it is so important to remember our brain believes what we tell it. Speak positive affirmations, do not tell yourself you can’t do something, and try to see the positive instead of the negative. Focusing on the negative can take you down a rabbit hole you may not be able to get out of.
In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
In general, I believe my course was as it was supposed to be. I had one situation that could have been dramatically different had I listened to my spirit. But because I wasn’t brave enough to listen to my spirit and maybe not strong enough to stand firm, I caused myself many nights of undue anxiety and stress over several years. My mom always used to say, “What is good for you is good for those around you.” For a very long time, I never understood what she meant. I now understand it clearly and try to abide by that in my relationships.
How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
I now know who I am. I know my purpose and passion, and I have confidence that I did not have before. Even in life’s daily stresses and challenges, I am confident that I am right where I am supposed to be. Seven years before Mike died, my mother spoke a word over me: “The Lord has told me you are to be in a healing ministry.” I all but rolled my eyes and never thought of it again until the one-year anniversary of our local widow’s group as I thought about the healing, I had seen in the ladies who had been coming! Ten years after my mother spoke those words, I realized they had come true! God can use anybody — even me!
What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their lives?
You have been given everything you need inside of you to be all that you were designed to be. Do not let fear keep you from stepping out. Take the first step when you feel your spirit leading you. Trust your spirit.