Be. Dare. Create. w/ Jen Vertanen
Imagine a world where powerful women turn their boldest desires into lasting impact—because they finally got out of their own way. That’s exactly the world Jen Vertanen is creating through Project Be. Dare. Create. As a transformation catalyst, Jen helps high-achieving women break free from overthinking, self-doubt, and perfectionism (you know the drill!) and take bold, courageous action toward their biggest visions and dreams. With her no-B.S. approach and deep empathy, Jen supports her clients in shifting from “someday” to “OMG, I’m actually doing this!” Through her bold coaching programs, inspiring teachings, and podcast, Be. Dare. Create. Whatever You Damn Well Please, Jen is on a mission to turn wishful thinking into real-world wins—one unstoppable and unapologetic woman at a time
Be. Dare. Create. w/ Jen Vertanen
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Describe the circumstance of when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage.
For all intents and purposes, I looked like I "had it all" and when you took into account my natural positivity and large, welcoming smile and genuine laughter, no one would have guessed how lonely and broken I felt on the inside and that I'd felt this way for decades.
Even surrounded by loved ones including a husband who loved me no matter what, I couldn't escape the inner feelings that something was so broken in me that I'd never be able to heal and move forward from.
Carrying that for decades led to a mental health breakdown in 2011 and I knew things needed to change but it wasn't until two back-to-back events in 2015 that I was able to identify exactly what and how.
Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
Other than a difficult childhood with a severely mentally ill father and a mom who was also just trying to survive, becoming pregnant at 19 and a new mom at 20, my life has been full of checking the 'right' boxes and achieving.
College, marriage, kids, career, home ownership, vacations, promotions, starting my own business, accolades, all of it.
Happy, confident, and successful on the outside. Miserable, lonely, resentful, unhappy on the inside.
What's sad is my story isn't all that unusual which creates a world FULL of women feeling this way and it breaks my heart because I know inside and out, just how isolating and heartbreaking it feels to live this way AND I know know what's on the other side and just how much more becomes possible when you love yourself fully.
To feel like a fraud and wondering when the facade is going to crack...when people will see the "real" you and feel pity. All while you're trying to raise your family, be a "good" partner, be a "good" daughter, be a "good" leader, and a contributing member of society.
My trying to "fix" myself started out benign - hiring coaches, trips with girlfriends, etc. - but over the years turned more and more harmful with risky behaviors and putting my family at risk financially...all in the pursuit of feeling marginally better even if the feeling only lasted an hour or two.
Can you describe the pivotal moment when you realized you needed to be brave and make changes or step into your courage?
Most of us have had at least one, dark night of the soul that stays with us forever. My most profound was as I was trying to fall asleep on the day we'd told our daughter that mom and dad - her entire world at that point - were divorcing and mom was moving to her apartment the next day.
The only way I can describe it is that was the night my heart finally started talking louder than my (very unhealthy but also protective) ego.
All I heard over and over was, "You don't actually want this! You're making a HUGE mistake. This is only going to make your life worse. You HAVEN'T tried everything yet. YOU DON'T WANT THIS."
I remember laying in bed feeling utterly broken and when my husband woke, I was able to let my heart do the talking (NOT easy for me at that time!) and shared that I was making a huge mistake and was he open to talk about what it would look like to stay together.
This was pivotal enough but right behind it was an email my mom sent to my brother and I sweeping all the years of abuse under the rug and apologizing for spoiling us to help make up for my parent's 'tense' relationship.
Each one was more than enough, but back to back. The two together were life-shattering and exactly what I needed to finally start healing and become the woman I WANTED to be.
What inspired or motivated you to take this courageous step? What were some of the first actions you took, and what major challenges did you have to face?
These two, back-to-back experiences (near-divorce and email from my mom) were the wake up calls that I needed. Trying to "fix" myself wasn't working and in fact, was making my life worse over time.
The more I tried to "fix", the more "broken" I felt and all that does is continue to erode away any shreds of self-dignity, courage, and confidence you have and that is NOT who I wanted to be.
So I decided to try a new way. Who do I want to BE?
And that single question changed the entire trajectory of my life and now is a core foundational element of my work.
I had 2 visions of myself at 80. In one, I was a lonely, angry, bitter old woman and the only people who came to my funeral were my kids and they were so embarrassed by that. This sounds dramatic AND it really was. This was the fear that kept me awake at night for a number of years.
The 2nd vision was me at 80 - vibrant, lively, up to all sorts of fun shenanigans, colorful, irreverent humor, and the opposite of lonely.
I truly believed I had both in me and made a powerful decision that I was going to choose and evolve into the 2nd vision and at 55, that is EXACTLY who I've become through intentional, radical, relentless pursuit of that vision.
I reverse engineered the 2nd vision of my 80-yo self and started taking action from THAT energy and desire.
I started small. Loving myself felt too far away so what did LIKING myself look like. My mom wasn't able to be the nurturing woman I needed so how could I give THAT to myself?
Bit by bit, I evolved into who I am today which is someone who so deeply loves and believes in myself and bone-deep knowing that I have my own back ALWAYS when life life-s.
What doubts, fears, challenges, or obstacles did you encounter before taking action or along the way? How did you navigate them?
I mentioned my unhealthy level of ego. That was probably my biggest challenge and obstacle.
Who was I if I wasn't the BIG decision-making, action-taking, confident, courageous person instead of the person who needed to be vulnerable and ask for support and untangle who I truly was from my years of abuse which led to isolation and loneliness (though you'd never have guessed).
I was the 'strong' one. I was the one with 'all the answers'. And here I was, at 45, having NONE of that to help guide me as I stepped into creating myself.
All the bravado I had for decades was external-facing only.
As far as navigating, I remember leaning in so hard into my vision. What would SHE want me to know, feel, and do especially when I was feeling especially unworthy, down on myself, etc.
I did this over and over and over through the years until one day I realized...this is just who I am now. I didn't have to work so hard at being intentional about it. I just...was.
Who or what helped you stay strong and resilient during this time? Did you have any role models or sources of support?
I had isolated myself so much that my husband - the one I'd told I wanted a divorce from - was literally my only person and he was wonderful.
He loved me no matter what. He BELIEVED in me no matter what. He know the life I wanted and stuck with me through it all. Through every emotion, setback, joy, doubt...all of it.
I also had my daughter...the one whose world I'd almost crumbled. She was becoming a pre-teen and parenting her was beyond healing for me. I'd ask myself - if she came to me with this feeling or doubt or question...what would I do for her? How would I want to show up for her?
And then I gave that to myself. Yes - self-hugs and all lol. And because I was going through intense healing from childhood, I bravely asked my husband for parent hugs vs. spouse hugs and he more than obliged. Seeing me actively healing helped him process through the near-divorce and find his own path to healing.
It was a pretty brutiful time in my life and I would NOT trade it for anything no matter how hard it was.
How has this experience shaped your life and transformed your understanding of courage? Has your definition of courage evolved through your journey?
I'm trying to think of ways it HASN'T impacted me and...I can't. Truly every area of my life has been made exponentially better because of the work I did and continue to do because I don't think we're ever done.
My marriage, how I parent, I have an abundance of deep friendships, I enjoy my life even on a mundane, ordinary Tuesday. I'm no longer seeking solutions outside of myself...not only do I love myself...I LIKE myself. It's hard to put into words the night and day difference I feel within myself and the world around me. I spent decades not feeling this way and I could focus on all I 'lost' along the way but I choose to focus on all I have yet in front of me and I'm so glad I undertook this work in 2015 at age 45.
Courage redefined itself all along the way. Vulnerability is courage. Asking for and RECEIVING support is courage. Reaching out to others is courage. Humbleness is courage.
I used to think of courage as strength and I thought I was strong because of all I'd been through in life and I was 'strong' but I wasn't STRONG. I was 'courageous' but I wasn't COURAGEOUS. There's a difference and if you know, you know!
What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience? Any positive unexpected outcomes emerge?
The relationship you have with yourself is THE bedrock for everything.
It's how you show up in your life, the risks you're willing to take, and the impact you're able to create.
When you truly, deeply understand, trust, and honor yourself, every decision becomes clearer, every action feels easier, and you stop waiting for permission to live the life you want.
One of the most beautiful surprises has been the ripple effect of this internal work.
As I deepened my self-relationship, I noticed how it transformed not only my own life but those around me.
My courage to show up unapologetically and fully ME gives others permission to do the same. My willingness to take bold action inspires others to take theirs.
THIS is how we create ripples of impact.
What advice or message would you share with women who may be facing a similar challenge and are hesitant to take a courageous step?
Fear is always going to try to keep you safe, but you absolutely have what it takes to act in spite of the fear.
Life is too damn short to live by someone else’s rules.
Stop shrinking to fit into boxes you’ve outgrown. You’re here to take up space, to make noise, to create your own, unique trail.
The world NEEDS your unapologetic truth and you are worth every brave step you take.
We NEED you to be brave and unapologetic and messy and beautiful and fully you.
And finally...you're never too old and it's never too late unless YOU say it is.