1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
I parked the car in the DC garage after my 1.5 hour commute and started to tear up about going into a job that I was no longer happy doing. I wiped the tears and walked up the stairs and to my desk where I was greeted by my boss and co-worker. They asked me to join them in a meeting right away. My stomach dropped and I knew a big change was coming. As I entered the room they sat me down and told me I was getting let go. I signed the papers, packed my stuff, handed over my company computer and was escorted out like a criminal. Numb, scared, and tearing up again I walked back to the garage, got in my car and a sudden peace overcame my body. I just lost my income, benefits, aka security and yet I felt safer than ever. I was FREE. . . but only if I chose to be. I had to decide at that moment whether I would do the safe thing and get another job or take the risk and bet on me. It was time to be brave and bet on me!
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
It took a couple days to process this decision as the opposing voices in my head gave their arguments. The “Safety brain” was telling me to apply to jobs asap and get the ball rolling so I can feel “safe” again with my money situation. This would be the responsible thing to do, right? Then the “Risk taker brain” was telling me how possible it was to invest the time and build the coaching business that I started to see was possible just 2 months previous. It kept saying to me, “It's time to bet on you!”
So. . .I did both. I applied for jobs and worked on my schooling for a life and health coaching certificate. I did the interviews and quickly received offers of employment making the same or more money. At the same time I was working with some practice clients and experiencing their massive shifts they were having and it lit a fire in me that I hadn’t felt in a couple years. This feeling and seeing what was possible for me was what made me say no to 3 job offers when all I had coming in was $400 a week for unemployment.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
What helped me make this courageous decision was my last interview for a job that I ever had. I got on the phone and realized it was with an old director of a company I used to work for who loved me then. We laughed when we ended up meeting again and he paused and said he didn't have to interview me because he knew I would be amazing but before he made an offer he asked me one question, “Jackie, what do you really want to do?” When I heard this question I lit up and started telling him all about the coaching schooling I was in and the vision of what I wanted to build and so on and so on. I have no idea how long I went on about it but at the end he asked me if I had money saved up and asked me how long I could support myself. I thought that question was strange but I thought about it and realized I had about a year I could live without income using my savings and credit cards. He then said something that changed my life. “That's great Jackie. I am not going to offer you a job today. I want you to pursue that dream and if it doesn’t work out, come back to me and I will have a job for you.” I was confused at first then sighed and thanked him. Thanked him for having the belief in me that I didn’t quite have. So I borrowed his belief in me and continued to bet on me and pursue my business. That was five years ago and I have never gone back.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
My life before Jackie Cote Coaching was 30 years of leadership management in the restaurant industry that started when I was 15 and the local Italian bakery in NJ gave me the keys to help run the shift. I loved the rush of busy shifts and helping support a team to create an amazing experience for the guests. What I loved even more was the mentoring of the team. Seeing in them what they could see in themselves and holding that gift of belief up for them that they could do anything. I was able to promote 100s of people throughout the years and help them create more freedom of time, more money and more confidence in self. It was when I moved out of the field operations space where I could mentor others and into the corporate office of one of the companies that I lost that fire and passion for what I did. It became a job that I did not like and felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill for 2 plus years. But like most of us I was going to make it work! That’s what we do or were taught to do. After crying almost every day, never being home with my partner due to excess travel, my health being the worst it had ever been, and seeing my relationship dissipate before my eyes, I knew a change needed to be made. That was what led me to learning about the coaching industry which I never knew existed. I was meant for more than this but I just didn’t know what that was. So when my old boss said to me to go for it, I believe in you, I did.
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
Many! And five years later still many! Lol
There were so many decisions that had to be made and quickly that the fears and doubts didn’t hit right away because of my “I got it girl” ways of being. Basically I get stuff done in high stress situations from a place of survival ever since I was 7 years old. Once I decided to go all in on being an entrepreneur I put my house on the market and sold it so we could move to a less expensive area in the country closer to Mike’s kids. This was scary for me because it was taking me away from civilization at a time when I needed to be connecting with people about this new venture. This helped cut our expenses in half and stretched out the time my money would last to give me time to build. I also had to lean into trust in my relationship and whether we would make it through this. Right before I got let go from my job we were not in a great place but both decided we would work on it together. This massive move ended up bringing us closer together because it helped me be more present and start to let go of some of the control I felt I needed to have over the money and relationship. Little did I know that this was the beginning of our journey to truly loving each other and letting ourselves be loved.
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
One of the biggest obstacles on the journey to becoming a business owner instead of an employee is yourself. I knew right away I couldn't do this thing alone so I hired a personal coach to help me build the business. What I thought I needed from her was help with the strategy and execution. What I quickly discovered was that I needed her to help me get out of my own way! After finding myself crying for 9 months straight, session after session, not making any money while doing all the things, I wondered if I made the wrong choice in turning down the safe path of a job. What I know now was if I had not done this healing work and been open and vulnerable with myself I would have never been able to build the 6 figure business I have today. The strategy is only 20% of this journey. It's 80% what is between our two ears. That 9 months helped me rewrite old stories that were holding me back from feeling worthy of what I desired. That was just the beginning of what has become the biggest personal development journey of my life. Who knew that being a business owner meant peeling back every layer and becoming the most vulnerable you have ever been.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
I remember the moment when my coach challenged me to trust. How she did this was to challenge me to do nothing the following month. It was September 2019 and I had been filling my calendar with nights, weekends and all the things because I came from the story that being busy is better! The more I am doing the more I will make. Well guess what. . . I wasn’t making any money and exhausted from doing all the things. At that point my biggest month was $1000. For October I was allowed to keep what was on my calendar but not add anything else. So when people asked to meet with me I had to put them further out on the calendar. This left many holes in my schedule and I was so confused what to do with this time. She said JUST BE! What does that mean? It meant to read a book, take a bath, go for walks, play with the dogs, call a friend, cook for joy, go on a date with my man, do whatever feels good to me. This was harder than is sounds for me coming from the restaurant industry where you worked all the time and it was a badge of honor to do so! That October month I made $3000 and did less. We tried this surrender and trust you are enough experiment 2 more times until I finally got it! November I made $4500 and December I made $6000. Doing less. Making more. What a concept! A concept based on leaning in and doing the thing (the masculine energy) and then leaning back and trusting and surrendering (the feminine energy). This was the first time I truly experienced and understood the feminine energy. I came from a masculine driven life and career. This taught me that it gets to be done with more ease and flow and that it doesn’t have to be a struggle. This is my choice and in my control now that I was aware of what was possible.
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
I started my journey by taking a coaching program that helped me see what was possible to create and do with the gifts God has given me. Without putting yourself around people who are doing what you desire to do, you will never see what is possible. The key to growth is having a vision of what you desire and knowing that if someone else has done it then it's absolutely possible for you to do it! When I decided that this was absolutely what was next for me and that I was never going back to someone controlling my time and money I searched out networking groups to become a part of. This was crucial to the first 6 figures of my business. Finding a community that you can build relationships with and serve was life changing for me. One of the biggest decisions was deciding I am worthy of getting 1:1 coaching support. This was the biggest game changer and helped me move faster in my business than normal. It's the crash course to learning to love and trust yourself. This in turn will make doing things easier to do.
9. How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
I never realized how courageous I had truly been throughout my life until this journey. I just thought this was how life was supposed to be. I thought courage was being strong, fiercely independent, in control, and never letting anyone know you are hurting. This experience shown me the complete opposite. This has helped me love myself. Helped me want to be with me. Helped me feel safe to love others and be loved by others. Helped me no longer live in survival mode and shift to a thriving mode. From fear to love.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
We are mostly programmed to live from a place of survival. This looks like being independent and in control! I call it the “I got it girl” This was me. Fiercely independent, can do it on her own, makes stuff happen, and highly successful at whatever she chooses to do. Sounds great right? The challenge is this is usually coming from a place of needing to be in control from a place of fear. If I hold on tightly to everything I can control things and mitigate the pain. You can not come from a place of fear and love at the same time. It’s time to let go of control and surrender. No longer take action to avoid pain but take action towards desires from a place of love. Love will always be the way to true freedom.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
The obvious one was that I built a business doing what I love for others on my terms and never have to ask for permission from anyone to do what I want. The most surprising thing for me was learning how to love me fully and no longer fear loving another or letting them love me. My now husband and I were just breaking up as a couple when this journey began. Now we are married, which we never thought we would do again, and more in love and support of eachother then we have ever been. We both feel safe to love and be loved together.
12. How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
Courage to me is being willing to fully love yourself as you are, being willing to be vulnerable, safe to feel love and pain, making swift decisions and taking risks, and trusting the journey and knowing that you are fully supported. Courage is also not being afraid to be seen, taking risks and going first so others can see what's possible.
13. Is there a particular message or advice you'd like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
If you have the inner knowing that you are meant for something different in your life, listen and trust it. Women are so intuitive in nature and yet we doubt ourselves and that inner knowing. Whether it be an old story we created to protect ourselves or that we have created so much noise helping others that we can’t hear what it’s saying, you just know something needs to change. Get quiet, be with self, listen to self, trust self, because you and your higher power are one and in this together. Trust and love will lead the way.
14. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
Absolutely not. I truly believe it when people say everything is happening for you. Each moment, each tear, each pivot, each challenge, all of it was exactly what I needed to be who I am today so that I can serve the way I am meant to serve in this world. That way is just showing up and being me. I own that now.
15. How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
I was told about 2 years ago by an akashic reader that all I needed to do was walk in a room and that was enough. Everyone's lives will be changed by just being me. I was like ummmm that is quite cocky! Lol After 2 years of observing and contemplating that statement I see now that she was right. Now I own the gifts God has given me and I am on a mission to help other women do the same.
16. What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their life?
Think about all the impossible stuff you have done so far in life and survived to tell about it! Everything is temporary in life. Decide and go! Whatever happens on the other side of that decision is meant to happen for you. It's all in your perception of life and the outcome that will determine the life you live. So choose different! Lastly, lead from love and ask “What would love do?”
Jackie Cote is your Freedom Mentor, International Speaker, Author, and RV Adventurist. Her mission is to help 100k or more women to Awaken, Empower and Own their magic so they can create purpose-driven lives where they feel loved, alive, and free every day.