1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
It is Saturday night about 11pm I am enjoying a glass of wine, resting on my couch, candles lit, smooth jazz playing, and I am thinking about him....I can't stop thinking about him. He is a little 8 year old whom I met 2 months earlier on my trip to Ghana helping with water wells. I know that I'm being called to be his mom. Every day longer it takes for me to meet "Mr. Right" is key developmental time for him that we can't get back. It is time for me to let go of the vision I had for my life and instead step into the one that God, the Universe, Divinity (what ever name you want to use) is clearly calling me to.
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
In my head-to-head with God, I am disappointed in letting go of the vision I had for my life. The vision I had worked for, for so long. Though, I know that I am being called to be his mom. Without question.
Three days before I met this precious soul, as I was boarding the plane in New York I had an overwhelming feeling I was about to fall in love. It was very clear, and a feeling I had not experienced before. At the time I assumed it would be the proverbial "tall, dark and handsome" and the next thought was, "Well, this should be interesting!"
When we met, it was as if our souls connected. His energy was so different than the thousands of children I had interacted with in the villages where we had helped with boreholes. Over the course of the next 10 days I cannot stop thinking about him.
I learn from my friend who knows him, that his parents have died and his family is unable to care for him properly.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
As I am leaving the area where he is, I hear an internal voice saying I need to connect with him and if I don't connect with him it will be one of the biggest regrets of my life. The voice just keeps getting louder the closer I get to the exit of the home. We connect to have a chat. When I get back to the hotel and am journaling about the day, the voice comes back repeating over and over, "You just met your son." I am overwhelmed because that is not what I came to Ghana for.
I know that I am being called as several other things keep pointing me to this point of decision. I am initially in resistance, until the moment I tap my inner courage to let go of the vision, and step into the calling. Once the decision is made, I let go of the disappointment and step into, "Okay, let's go! We're going to do this."
Over the next 6 months, I research adoption laws in Ghana and the U.S. I start writing letters to him and sending care packages. We have phone calls. I book another trip to help with the water wells/schools and I go a week early to share time with him. The day I get back from the trip, I start the adoption process.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
Prior to this time, I was a successful professional in the U.S. I travel at will. Enjoy the single life though looking forward to the day that I have a beautiful partnership where we truly enrich each other's life. One that is healthy, grounded in growth, goodness, and steeped in love. One where we make a positive difference in our world individually, and together.
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
My initial doubts and fears were around giving up on the vision. How can I have it all. I realized I didn't have the bandwidth to do it all at once, something had to give. Before my first trip to Ghana, I was a Corporate Account Executive who had stepped away and became part owner of a start-up. Right after I returned from the first trip the start-up folded and I was consulting with another, then I met this beautiful little soul. It was 2008, the U.S. economy was in the tank, so much uncertainty...how am I going to bring it all to life?
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
# 1 Challenge, Ghana has several laws around adoption, two of which applied to me:
- Required to be married - me: not married.
- Requirement to be gainfully employed - me: was employed - then not.
How I got through these challenges: I happened to meet another solo parent who had certain circumstances which applied to his adoption situation that also applied in our situation. If he could do it, I believed fully that I could too. Check.
Re: employment - I had started my own consulting firm prior to launching the start-up. I could prove that the consulting firm was still in existence. Check.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
I was in the middle of the adoption, living in Ghana for 2 months. I was doing an independent international adoption (the adoption agency only signed off on the requisite home-study). I did all the leg work. I found the attorneys/social workers both in the U.S. and Ghana to support us. This also meant that when we had to find his family to get his birth certificate and death certificates for his parents, I also had to figure out how to do so. I had the names of 2 relatives, no addresses, no contact info, nothing to go off except their names. This was 16 years ago...prior to the explosion of online presence. Several weeks into this needle-in-the-haystack search, my sister in the states sends me a message from a woman who has a clairvoyant vision that when I enter my son's village, there is a grandmother or female elder who will be approaching from the left side of the road or living in a house on the left side of the main road. She would have all the information we needed.
3 weeks later, his maternal grandmother was living on the left hand side of the main road and had all the information we needed. She was in her 80's blind and unable to care for him.
I was also bumped from flights 3 times during the adoption. Each time I met someone else who was key to the next piece of the puzzle.
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
The signs became very clear that I was being called from the other side of the world to be his mom. Thus, my faith and my belief in myself to overcome any odds were my rock. My blessed family and close friends bolstered me during the times it was extra hard. For their love and support, I am eternally grateful. (The process took 2 and 1/2 years.)
9. How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
As a solo mom helping her child who has been through significant trauma and loss, the challenges can be overwhelming at times. The experience of successfully making it through the adoption where so much was stacked against us helped me to believe that I could make it through anything.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
When you believe in your soul that you are following your calling, tap into that which is greater than your physical being to keep going. Sometimes the negativity that is coming from others is a projection of their own life rather than a reflection of you. Stay centered in the greatness of you when it is rooted in truth, goodness, and love.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
We were the first international adoption grant recipients from a beautiful organization called HelpUsAdopt.org. Since their inception they have supported over 700 adoption grants, helping families be formed. They were very hesitant to work with us because it was an international adoption. Because we showed them it was a positive investment, many other families navigating international adoptions have benefited.
So many positives, beyond measure...
12. How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
I define courage as the grace to step into and move through the unknown whether one wants to or not, especially when it turns out to be hard. My son, Osei, is the embodiment of courage, he lives it daily. It is in every cell of his being. People are inspired by his story, though they only know the a part of the first chapter, the body of his life has been a testament to the strength of the human spirit on a multitude of levels, and he ... just .... keeps .... going.
13. Is there a particular message or advice you'd like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
The challenges may be personal, they may be professional, they may be physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional, remember the greatness of who you are....and then look for the greatness in the other person or situation. Always focus on the greatness and let anything less than that fall away! (Focus on the strengths, and build from there.) Love yourself. Love others. Because kindness and love, especially in the midst of fear will raise the vibration exponentially. Breathe in grace...then take a step into courage. It's where being brave lives.
14. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
I would have learned to be more gentle with myself on the tough days rather than just powering through. And I would have not listened so much to those who doubted and criticized because they didn't see the clarity that I did. I realize now much of it was projection.
15. How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
I believe that I am living life on my term. I love who I am, not from an ego place, though from recognizing the values I hold as my foundation are filled with love. It can be infused into every aspect of life. I can overcome most any situation. I just need to decide what I truly want and have the courage to step fully into it.
16. What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their life.
A spiritual practitioner friend recently asked me if I knew what the most powerful aspect of prayer is? ....Hmmm? "Belief?", I guessed. "No, it's FEELING", she said and went on to explain. The feeling behind the prayer is what is brought to life. Think about it, worry, doubt, fear vs. excitement, joy, knowing that the results are already at hand. FEEL what it is that you want, then STEP into it. FEEL again, and STEP....You've got this!