1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
Not survivable! The doctor's words echoed in my ears, silencing all surrounding sounds except the loud slaps of my flip-flops against the cold hospital floor as I walked down the seemingly endless corridor toward the chapel. I mean, where else would I go to deliver soul-crushing news to my four children? After all, how do you explain to them that the father they had just been eating pizza and playing video games with hours before would never be returning home?
In that moment, I knew I had to tap into my inner courage. The weight of the news felt unbearable, but I had to find the strength to face my children and guide them through the unimaginable. It was the most difficult walk of my life, and every step was a battle against the overwhelming grief and fear that threatened to consume me. Yet, despite the crushing sorrow, I knew I had to be strong for them. This was the moment when everything changed, and I had to summon every ounce of courage within me to navigate the dark and uncertain path ahead.
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
Sitting in that chapel with my children, I tried to muster the confidence to say what needed to be said. My mind was a whirlwind of memories from our 23 years together: moments of laughter, tears, the birth of our children, singing songs, going on adventures, fighting, not liking each other very much, and then coming back together, falling more in love than ever before. Even recalling these moments put a pain so deep into my soul that I struggled for breath.
I clenched my fists as hard as I could and whispered, “Hey babies, I need to talk to you about something. As you know, your daddy was in an accident, and the doctors have been trying to help him.” I paused, trying to find the strength to continue. “Well, I… well, the doctors were telling me...” One more deep breath. Stop beating around the bush. Just get to it! Searching for the rest of the words, I didn’t breathe again for what seemed like days. “Well babies, daddy’s hurt really bad. He is hurt worse than we thought.” I would have given anything in that moment not to have to say what came next. “Dad… dad’s injuries are not survivable.” Shit! Did I just use the words that the doctor told me? Those cold, unfeeling words? Do they even understand what that means?
My heart was racing so fast I could hear the pounding in my head. I stared intensely at my children, searching for a cue of what to do next. All this happened in a snapshot of an instant. That’s when I heard a gasp. That’s when I saw my son… my baby, and the look on his face as he stuffed tissues under his eyeglasses, frozen without words. Well, that’s all I care to share about that day.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
Everywhere I looked, all I saw were places my husband and I had shared. The roads we drove down, the stores where we shopped, the restaurants where we took our family—all these familiar places, once filled with joy, had become immense sources of pain. I felt like I was suffocating, unable to escape the constant reminders of what I had lost. The home we had built together was no longer a place of comfort; it was a place of haunting memories.
My inspiration to take the courageous step to leave came from a deep-seated need to protect myself and my children from the overwhelming grief. I knew we needed a fresh start, a place where we could begin to heal without the constant reminders of our loss. The love and responsibility I felt for my children motivated me to make this drastic change, to find a place where we could rebuild our lives.
The first steps were daunting. I sold my car, and rented a minivan to accommodate the journey ahead. With three of my children, I packed up our essential belongings and set our sights on the Pacific Northwest—a place far enough to offer a new beginning, yet familiar enough to feel somewhat safe.
The emotional and logistical challenges that came with it. I had to find a new home, enroll my children in new schools, and establish a new routine in an unfamiliar place. It was a monumental task, filled with uncertainties, but it was necessary for our healing.
I sought out community resources and counseling services to help us navigate our grief and adjust to our new surroundings. Each step, though difficult, was driven by the need to create a new sense of normalcy and safety for my children.
Taking this courageous step was not about running away from the past, but about creating a future where we could remember my husband with love, without being paralyzed by the pain of his absence. It was about finding the strength to start anew and honor his memory by moving forward.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
My life was a fragile balancing act. Moving into a three-bedroom townhouse was supposed to be a temporary stop on the way to a new beginning. Instead, it became a stage for my daily struggles. I was working two jobs, trying to make ends meet while grappling with severe brain fog and the suffocating weight of grief. Denial had become my coping mechanism—I refused to acknowledge the depths of my children's emotional turmoil, convincing myself that we were all holding it together.
Lying to everyone around me had become second nature. I feared judgment, pity, and the possibility of admitting that I was not okay. Each day felt like walking on a tightrope, with the abyss of my own emotions looming beneath me. The façade I maintained was exhausting, but I felt it was necessary to keep our lives from completely unraveling.
Then, March 2020 arrived, and the world shut down. The pandemic forced us into lockdown, and with it came the silence that amplified my inner demons. The external chaos of the world mirrored the internal chaos within me. There was no escape, no distraction from the reality that I had been avoiding for so long.
In this enforced stillness, I had no choice but to confront the depths of my grief and the precarious state of my mental health. It was a dark and lonely time, but it was also the beginning of a journey towards facing my fears and finding the courage to make the necessary changes for myself and my children.
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
The problem with telling everyone that I was hanging in there and living an illusion of having my life under control was that I started to believe it myself. Beneath this veneer of stability, doubts and fears festered. I worried about my ability to support my children emotionally and financially. I feared the judgment of others, the pity that might come if they saw through my facade, and the unbearable admission that I was far from okay.
Before taking action, I had to confront these fears head-on. The lockdown forced me into a painful introspection. The silence and isolation brought my suppressed anxieties to the surface, making it impossible to ignore them any longer. I realized that pretending everything was fine was not only deceiving others but also harming myself and my children.
I also started practicing mindfulness and self-care, small steps that gradually built my resilience. Journaling my thoughts and emotions helped me process my feelings and gain clarity. I learned to be kinder to myself, to accept that it was okay to not have everything under control.
Overcoming these doubts and fears wasn't an overnight transformation. It was a gradual journey of acknowledging my vulnerabilities and seeking support. By doing so, I was able to find the strength to take the necessary actions to rebuild our lives. It was through facing my fears, rather than hiding from them, that I discovered my true inner courage.
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
The journey to overcome my challenges was fraught with numerous obstacles and personal battles. Insomnia plagued me, leading me to drink excessively as a way to numb the pain and escape the relentless thoughts that kept me awake at night. Food became another coping mechanism, and before I knew it, I had gained 100 pounds. I was an out-of-control train wreck, spiraling further into a cycle of self-destruction.
My children had a front-row seat to this hidden shame, witnessing their mother struggle in ways they couldn't fully understand. The guilt and embarrassment I felt only compounded my sense of failure. I feared I was setting a terrible example and failing them as a parent.
Another significant obstacle was the isolation brought on by the pandemic. The lack of social support and the constant proximity to my own thoughts made it difficult to find moments of relief. The lockdown amplified my struggles, forcing me to confront them without the distractions or escapes I had previously relied on.
Facing these obstacles required immense perseverance and a willingness to confront my own flaws and weaknesses. It was a journey marked by setbacks and slow progress, but each small victory built the foundation for a stronger, more resilient future.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
It was late March, three weeks into lockdown, and the weight of isolation was pressing down on us. One evening, as I made my way downstairs to prepare my usual evening drinks, I overheard my children talking and the sound of their crying stopped me in my tracks. They were discussing who would take care of them if I died. The sheer anguish in their voices pierced through my fog of self-destruction. Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to them express their fears about how sick they thought I was.
Quietly, I walked back upstairs and closed my door. I turned to see my reflection in the mirror, and for the first time, I truly saw myself. The woman staring back at me was a shadow of who I once was, weighed down by grief, and despair. "What the hell am I doing?" I thought, overwhelmed by a surge of guilt and sorrow. "What am I going to do now?"
That moment was a turning point. The raw honesty of my children's conversation shattered the denial I had been living in. I realized that my actions were not only harming myself but also deeply affecting the very people I was trying to protect. Their fears and tears were a wake-up call that I could no longer ignore.
This moment of clarity, sparked by my children's heartbreaking conversation, became the catalyst for profound change. It was a painful but necessary confrontation with the reality of my situation, propelling me towards a path of resilience.
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
I begged to God on hands and knees to help me become the kind of mother my children deserved, the kind of mother who would honor my husband's legacy. After many sleepless nights, I woke up with a renewed sense of determination. A memory surfaced of a woman who had grown up with a family member, someone I admired for her strength and resilience. She had opened a holistic practice in California, and I thought, why not reach out?
This woman became an unexpected source of inspiration and support. Her approach to healing, which combined physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, resonated with me. I reached out to her, and she responded with compassion and guidance. Through our conversations, she introduced me to holistic practices that helped me regain control of my life. Techniques such as energy work, meditation, and natural remedies became part of my daily routine, grounding me and providing a sense of peace amidst the chaos.
My children are sources of inspiration. Their resilience and capacity for love amidst our struggles motivated me to keep going. I wanted to show them that it was possible to overcome adversity and that we could emerge stronger together.
Through prayer, the support of a holistic healer, cherished memories of my husband, and the unwavering love of family and friends, I found the strength to stay resilient. These role models and sources of support helped me navigate the darkest moments, guiding me toward a path of healing and growth.
9. How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
When I tell you I grew up in an extremely religious and strict, biased dogma, it would be an understatement. People who grew up the way I did wouldn't dare tiptoe into any type of holistic healing. Yet here I was, booking an energy healing session with one of the most gifted healers I've ever met. I had no idea what to expect, as I had never heard of such a thing. But the results couldn't lie. The experience was transformational and created an open-minded perspective shift that forever changed my life.
This journey taught me that courage isn't just about facing external challenges; it's also about challenging deeply ingrained beliefs and being open to new ways of healing and growth. Embracing holistic healing allowed me to break free from the rigid confines of my upbringing and explore a broader, more inclusive understanding of well-being. It required me to confront my own prejudices and fears, and to trust in a process that was entirely foreign to me.
The impact of this experience on my life has been profound. It not only facilitated my healing but also expanded my perception of what it means to be courageous. Courage, I realized, is about vulnerability—being willing to step into the unknown, to seek help from unexpected places, and to embrace change even when it feels uncomfortable.
Through this journey, I learned that true strength comes from being open to new possibilities and allowing oneself to grow beyond past limitations. My newfound openness has enriched my life in countless ways, fostering deeper connections with my children and a more profound understanding of myself. It has also allowed me to honor my husband's legacy by living a life of authenticity and resilience.
This experience has shown me that courage is a multifaceted and dynamic force. It is about standing firm in the face of adversity, but also about having the humility to seek out new paths to healing. This realization has not only transformed my life but has also given me the tools to help my children navigate their own journeys with strength and grace.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
From this experience, I gained invaluable lessons and wisdom that I feel compelled to share with others. The moment I wholeheartedly decided to heal my life was transformative. Setting aside biases and prejudices that had once defined my worldview, I threw myself on the mercy of the universe and prayed to God for guidance and healing. I followed my heart, embracing new experiences with an open mind and a willingness to accept whatever might come.
I learned to say yes to new opportunities, despite any past beliefs or fears. This openness led me to explore holistic healing, something I would have never considered before. By doing so, I discovered aspects of myself I had never known and unlocked potential pathways to joy and well-being.
The key lesson here is that you never know what possibilities await you unless you are willing to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Embracing change and being open to different approaches can lead to unexpected and profound growth. This journey taught me the importance of flexibility and the courage to challenge deeply held convictions.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable and seeking help was not a sign of weakness but a testament to my strength and commitment to healing. It’s essential to recognize that asking for help and trying new methods can be a pivotal step toward self-discovery.
Finally, this experience underscored the importance of faith—faith in oneself, in the process, and in the possibility of positive change. Trusting that the universe has a way of guiding us, even when the path seems unclear, can lead to remarkable outcomes.
In sharing my journey, I hope to encourage others to be open to new experiences, to challenge their preconceptions, and to trust in the transformative power of vulnerability and faith. By doing so, we can uncover new joys and possibilities that enrich our lives in ways we never imagined.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
The stormy skies parted, and I began to see the sunbreaks. My courageous actions led to a series of unexpected and positive outcomes that transformed our lives. I started connecting with my children on a deeper level, and we began enjoying life again. Our shared experiences and open communication brought us closer together, strengthening our bond as a family.
One of the most profound outcomes was finding a renewed sense of purpose. In the process of rebuilding our lives, I discovered new passions and interests that gave me a sense of direction and fulfillment. This new purpose not only enriched my life but also provided a positive example for my children, showing them the importance of resilience and adaptability.
As we started over from a different place, things began to look bright. The holistic healing practices I embraced helped me achieve a healthier state of mind and body, allowing me to be more present and engaged with my children. We found joy in simple moments, created new traditions, and built a life that honored our past while looking forward to the future.
Another unexpected outcome was the strength and independence my children developed through our shared journey. Witnessing my determination and courage inspired them to face their own challenges with confidence and resilience. They learned the value of adaptability and the importance of seeking help when needed.
Our new life also opened doors to new friendships and connections. We became part of a supportive community that embraced us and offered encouragement and assistance. This network of support played a crucial role in our healing and growth, reinforcing the idea that we are never truly alone in our struggles.
Ultimately, my courageous actions led to a transformation that was more profound than I could have imagined. We emerged from the darkness with a renewed sense of hope, stronger relationships, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. The journey was difficult, but the positive outcomes reaffirmed the importance of facing challenges head-on and embracing change with an open heart.
12. How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
I never considered myself brave or courageous. In fact, when people used those words to describe me, it felt wrong. I felt like a fraud. How could I be showing courage when I still felt so much pain? How could I show courage when I still didn't believe in myself? How could I show courage if I was still lost?
However, through my experiences, my definition of courage began to evolve. I slowly realized that courage isn't the absence of fear or pain; it's the determination to keep going despite those feelings. Waking up every day and trying, even when it felt impossible, was an act of courage. Supporting my children and creating a new life, despite the uncertainty and the weight of grief, took immense courage. Following my new dreams, without knowing where they would lead, required a leap of faith that I now recognize as a profound act of bravery.
Courage, I've learned, is not about grand gestures or fearless action. It's about perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. It's about admitting vulnerability and seeking help when needed. It's about taking small steps forward, even when the path ahead is unclear. Courage is found in the quiet moments of determination, in the decision to try again after a setback, and in the unwavering love and support we offer to those we care about.
Through my journey, I came to understand that courage is deeply personal and often goes unnoticed by others. It's the inner strength that propels us to face our challenges and continue moving forward. My definition of courage has grown to encompass not just acts of heroism, but the everyday struggles and triumphs that define our lives.
In embracing this broader understanding of courage, I have come to see myself not as a fraud, but as someone who embodies true bravery. This realization has empowered me to continue facing life's challenges with grace and resilience, knowing that every step I take is a testament to the courage within me.
13. Is there a particular message or advice you'd like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
Believe! No matter what you’re going through right now, regardless of your grief and fears, know that you hold a spark inside you waiting to ignite and fill you with a light like you have never experienced before. Trust in your inner strength and resilience, even when the darkness feels overwhelming.
You have the power to create the best version of yourself. This journey is an opportunity to discover new aspects of who you are, and that discovery is exciting! Embrace this time as a chance to learn, grow, and transform. Allow yourself to approach it with a sense of joy and wonderment, free from guilt and shame.
Remember, you deserve to live a life that honors your magnificence. You are capable of overcoming challenges and finding a path that brings you fulfillment and happiness. Trust in your journey and know that you are not alone. Surround yourself with supportive people, seek out resources that uplift you, and be kind to yourself along the way.
Believe in your potential to rise above the difficulties you face. Embrace the process of becoming who you are meant to be. You are stronger than you realize, and your courage will guide you to a brighter, more fulfilling future.
14. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
Feeling regrets and replaying in your mind things you would do differently if only given the opportunity is natural. These thoughts often cross my mind, but I stop and reflect on what I’ve learned and the joy and purpose that emerged from those lessons.
Of course, there are times I wished I had made different choices. And every choice, even the ones I regret, has contributed to my journey, and shaped who I am today.
These experiences have given me greater perspective and understanding. They have taught me resilience, empathy, and the importance of self-compassion. I’ve learned to embrace my imperfections and see mistakes as opportunities for growth or lessons rather than failures.
In retrospect, while I acknowledge my regrets, I also appreciate the wisdom gained from them. Each step, no matter how difficult, has brought me closer to a more authentic and empowered version of myself. I wouldn’t be where I am today without those experiences, and for that, I am grateful.
15. How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
This journey has reshaped my identity and sense of self in profound ways.
I celebrate the woman I am today because I recognize the courage it took to get me here, and I honor the bravery to stand firm in my courage even when I didn't believe I could. This journey has profoundly shaped my identity and sense of self.
I never thought I could be happy again, but now I love myself deeply and have found a renewed sense of joy. This transformation has ignited a passion within me to serve others, helping them find their inner warrior just as I found mine. Guiding others through their own challenges and witnessing their growth brings me immense fulfillment.
This experience has taught me that true strength comes from within, and embracing vulnerability is a powerful act of courage. I have learned to celebrate my resilience and appreciate the growth that comes from facing life's difficulties head-on. My sense of self is now deeply rooted in an understanding of my capabilities and a commitment to living authentically.
Through this journey, I have also developed a greater sense of empathy and compassion. I value the importance of support and community and strive to offer that to others. I am proud of the woman I have become, and I look forward to continuing to grow, serve, and inspire others on their paths to self-discovery and empowerment.
16. What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their life?
What is your most audacious, living-out-loud dream? Imagine embarking on a journey of self-discovery and uncovering your dreams along the way. What do you have to lose? The answer is nothing, but the possibilities are limitless.
To someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step, I would say this: Fear is a natural part of the process, but don't let it hold you back. Taking that first step, no matter how small, can open doors to a world of possibilities you never imagined. Every great journey begins with a single step, and the path to self-discovery and fulfillment is worth every ounce of courage it takes.
Remember, the only thing you risk losing by not trying is the chance to live a life that truly reflects your dreams and potential. Embrace the uncertainty and trust that each step you take will bring you closer to the person you are meant to be. The possibilities are indeed limitless, and your courage can lead you to a life filled with joy, purpose, and unexpected rewards.
About Rachel
Women experiencing grief hire Rachel to guide them, and their children, along their journey to cope with loss, find strength, and embrace healing. So, they can overcome pain and rediscover inner peace, as they heal. Rachel helps difficult life transitions transform into a life filled with hope, dreams, and endless possibilities.
Living Beyond Grief specializes in holistic healing and support during times of transition, grief, and trauma, using modalities like Bio-Energetic Frequency/Quantum Healing, Reiki, Hypnotherapy, Coaching, and Intuitive Energy Work. As a transformational public speaker, I also work with children, creating individualized treatments to help clients overcome grief, reduce anxiety and stress, and foster personal growth and resilience.