1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
It was April 12th, 2016, it was a bit after midnight, and I had just been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. I remember what led up to the ride but not the ride itself. I woke up in the emergency room and my husband was with me. They nurses and doctors began with a barrage of questions and then a statement we need to put an IV in your carotid artery. That was the last thing I remember until eight days later when I woke up in ICU. My husband had been told to get my affairs in order that there was little to no chance I would survive this.
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
Not sure it was one moment but a series of moments. The first was when I was still in my sedation vacation (medically induced coma). I had an hallucination about a shaman that came to visit. He asked, “why do you want to survive?” Once I gave him the answer he was looking for, I woke up. The next, was when I was told I had survived severe septic shock. The next was a few days later when I was moved up to my first room in the hospital and saw my hands and feet for the first time. More on this later.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
As much joy as I could into the world with my creations. The first step was to get well and heal. My hands and feet had been severely damaged by the drugs they had given me to save my life. My hands and feet were black with necrosis and gangrene and there was a good chance I was going to lose them. I spent the next few weeks in daily peeling and bandages. When it came time, I was told I would lose parts of nine of my fingers and nine of my toes.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
Before the Big Sick, I had been working fulltime as an Instructional Designer for major technology companies, I taught Graphic Design at Bellevue College, and I was writing Children’s Books. It never occurred to me that my life could change overnight. Up until then I was pretty much invincible or so I thought.
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
One of the first things I did was to do research into what Severe Septic Shock was. I like to know what I am dealing with; I am a person that needs facts. What I found out was a person in my condition had a 3% chance of survival. Of those 3%, 50% of these types of patients would die within the first 5 years. So as the doubt mounted, so did my resolve. To this day I am not sure what gave me the courage to fight. I chalk it up to being Irish, German and a Taurus. I am stubborn as hell. I am here by the grace of GOD.
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
I spent nearly two months in hospital and another six months in Physical and Occupational Therapy. I had to learn to use my new hands with shortened fingers. I had to learn how to walk and drive. I spent 5 months in Dialisys and was also having additional surgeries. In all I have had 13 surgeries on my hands alone. It was so bizarre to me that things I had done all of my life without thinking about them I had to learn all over again. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I did it anyway. I practiced holding a pencil, writing the alphabet and I had cheerleaders who when I was down would remind me why I was fighting so hard.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
There were a few turning points along the way, and they emerge still. One that stands out came a few years later. It was during COVID 19, and my hand surgeon had a patient that had come down with Severe Septic Shock and had a similar experience to mine. She was in town visiting her kids when she got sick. Her family wasn’t allowed to come to the hospital and her husband was across the country. He asked if I would be willing to talk to her about my journey and offer some words of encouragement. I agreed and we had a wonderful conversation.
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
My support was my husband, who never gave up on me. My best friend Mildred kicked my butt and made sure my ICU room was filled with my art so when I woke up, I knew what I was there for. My sister-in-law Tammy, a pediatrician who helped me understand what the doctors needed me to do, who helped me with my hands. She created finger wraps so I could feed myself instead of mummy hands. She was there when she could be to help peel my hands and feet. My brothers Tim (Tammy’s husband) and Chris. Who played music in the ICU room for me to listen to and wake up to. All of the amazing Doctors, Nurses, Technicians, and staff at the hospital who came into my room and remarked how the room was light, happy and full of joy. And to all of my friends who kept up with my journey and sent wishes of support.
9. How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
It made me realize that all of the things I wanted to do I should do and not wait. Someday became; how do I/we make it happen. How do we find the perfect dog for us? How do we buy an Airstream and live on a lake? How do I get my work in galleries across the country? How do I publish a children’s book? Bravery, courage, and determination I believe are all one thing. I have been told I am brave and courageous but to me it feels more like determination. I think when something happens in your life that is so profound you have to ask yourself how you will handle it. Will you shrivel up into a ball or will you fight. I felt I was given a second chance for a reason. I am supposed to be here. I am supposed to tell my story. I am supposed to be everything I was meant to be.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
Stop second guessing yourself. If you are passionate about your dreams don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way. I know this seems trivial, but it isn’t. I don’t always have good days, sometimes like right now before my 8th anniversary I have doubts. I have setbacks. We all have bad days, we all have life that gets us down, we all get in our own way at times; it’s how you know you are alive. There are nine days of my life I don’t remember at all. I don’t ever want that to happen again. So, I show up and I work hard. I fight the bad stuff and enjoy the good. I have a wonderful husband and a doggy. I have friends and family whom I love and adore. I love my job and my life. I feel blessed to be here. The best lesson was learning to be kind to myself.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
I have been able to hang my artwork in galleries across the country through juried shows. One of those shows is reoccurring; It is for a rehab hospital in Pennsylvania that specializes in patients that have had similar traumas to mine. I have written and published two children’s books with three more in the works. And I have a piece of art in the permanent collection at Children’s Hospital here in Seattle.
12. How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
I would define courage as showing up to the everyday challenges. In my situation I have had so many additional surgeries and every time I walk in with a smile and stay as positive as possible. You are in control of you. Be positive, show up and wear a smile.
13. Is there a particular message or advice you'd like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
Life happens to all of us if we are doing it right. Looks fade, but a smile and a positive attitude doesn’t. Be kind and ask for help. We are all connected, and we have all been in need at one time or another. Give back as much as you can. Not just money but time. Most of all cut yourself some slack. This to shall pass and if it doesn’t make lemonade.
14. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
Maybe if I had slowed down my crazy lifestyle…But no, I have no regrets.
15. How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
My life is not the same as it was, and there is no way it could be, but that doesn’t mean I have to be down on myself or those around me. Learn to live with who you are now. I am thankful that who I am now, is a much more empathetic and compassionate person.
16. What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their life.
Take the steps. It may be one forward and two back but learn to dance with grace and flair. It’s ok to take control of your own life and destiny
Susan Straub-Martin
Artist, storyteller, and purveyor of hugs. I create art and children's picture books.
I am Susan Straub-Martin the artist, storyteller, and purveyor of hugs. My books are fun adventures that bring joy to the heart & soul with a bit of learning mixed in. I call my style a Whimsical digital collage. I started my art career very young. I always loved to draw. I love nature and animals and I love to tell stories. My dad had his own business all be it way different from mine, but I admired him and wanted to be like him. I think he would be amazed at all that i do. When I am not working on my art I work as an instructional designer.
Strauberry Studios & Gallery
strauberrygallery.com