"There's a big difference between saying sorry for hurting someone and saying sorry for just existing."
In this heartfelt episode, I explore the deeply ingrained habit of over-apologizing – something many of us do without even realizing it. Drawing from both personal experience and historical context, I unpack why women in particular tend to say "I'm sorry" when we've done nothing wrong.
Have you ever apologized for asking a question, for taking up space, or even when someone else bumped into you? This pattern isn't just a personality quirk – it's rooted in generations of societal conditioning that taught women to be agreeable, accommodating, and passive.
I trace this conditioning from Victorian expectations of women as "moral guardians" to post-World War II pressure to return to submissive roles, to modern media portrayals that still subtly reinforce these patterns. This historical perspective helps us understand why assertive women are often labeled "aggressive" while men displaying identical behavior are seen as "confident."
"We teach people how to treat us. When we over-apologize, we teach others that our very presence requires forgiveness."
Throughout the episode, I connect over-apologizing to deeper issues of low self-esteem, fear of conflict, and people-pleasing tendencies. Most importantly, I offer practical steps to break this habit: building awareness by tracking your apologies, replacing "sorry" with empowering alternatives, practicing assertiveness, and surrounding yourself with supportive people.
The goal isn't to never apologize – it's to save our apologies for when they're truly warranted. By making this simple yet profound shift in our communication, we can transform not just how others perceive us, but how we see ourselves. Remember: you deserve to take up space without apology.
Resources:
Your FREE Forgive Yourself resources: https://brendareisscoaching.com/podcast-resource-optin/
Are you struggling with a situation or a person in your life? Wondering if you are ready to work on forgiving yourself? Take our quiz to find out your emotional IQ and how this impacts your ability to forgive: https://archetype.brendareisscoaching.com/sf/357cdc60
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