1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
The year was 2000. I lived in Russia and was happily employed as a science-editor with the Russian Cosmetics & Medicine Journal. I lived with my parents and had two 8-year-old twin daughters from a failed relationship. I must admit, most romantic relationships I had at that time were wonderful in the beginning and then inevitably turned increasingly toxic. But in 2000, I was finally single and loved it! I had my freedom and inner peace. I loved my job! I published a number of very successful books on science of skin care and my articles were a respected source of up-to-date scientific information for cosmetologists, dermatologists and skin care manufacturers. With my boss, Elena Hernandez, we traveled to France, Germany, Spain to present at prestigious cosmetic conferences.
So, imagine how I felt when I received a message from a male friend, with whom we worked in the same laboratory when I was doing my postgrad studies, and who then accepted a job opportunity in the United States of America. The message said, “Anna, would you like to visit me here in America?”
I considered it. I liked the guy. He was kind, funny and intelligent. It would be fun to visit him in America! These plans were shattered by an unsmiling man in the window of the American Consulate in Moscow, “Sure, you want to visit him. You want to marry this man and stay in America.” My visa application was denied.
“What? You got to be kidding me? I have no intentions of marrying anybody. I have good life here in Russia!”
Fuming, I messaged my friend and told him about this ridiculous accusation. In response, he messaged me, “This is not a bad idea. I can come to Russia, we get married and you come with me to America.”
Wait a minute? Was it a proposal?
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
You have to understand me. I liked the guy. And I did have feelings for him when we were working together. But I was happily single! I had two daughters, who attended school and had friends in Moscow. I had my dream job! I had my friends in Russia. I had my parents. I was free and successful. Marrying and moving to America was not how I imagined my future.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
I seriously don’t know what made me say, “Yes.” But once I did, there was no turning back. I had to announce to my shocked boss that I was leaving the Cosmetics and Medicine Journal. “Anna, do you realize that you are throwing away your life? You worked so hard to be where you are now. You will have to start all over again.” I had to tell my friends that I was moving away. I had to prepare my children for the great transition. And I had to arrange our wedding in a record time.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
The truth was that even though I was a very successful workaholic, there was an empty feeling deep inside. My days were spent in front of a computer, in frantic struggles to meet the next deadline. I lived in my parents’ home. I barely had time for my kids. My whole life was dedicated to my work. The freedom I enjoyed so much was hollow on the inside. So, I sat with myself and had a long conversation. Then, I decided, “I want to take this chance.”
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
Moving to another country, where I had no friends, no relative and no support beside my future husband was scary. I heard stories about women in my situation, who found themselves completely dependent on their husbands and losing their identity and freedom. Besides, my English was very rudimentary. I would have to learn how to communicate before I could hope to find a job. My daughters didn’t speak English at all. And they had to go to an American school. Yet, I made a decision and pushed my fears aside.
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
If I knew how hard it would be for me and my daughters to adapt, I probably would have stayed home. The problem was that as a little girl, I had a speech impediment called stuttering. In my childhood, it was so severe, I couldn’t even say my own name. However, titanic efforts of my parents who took me to every known therapist, helped to alleviate the problem enough, so I could communicate in my native language using special breathing techniques.
To my horror, I discovered that in this new country, facing the challenges of learning a new language and feeling terribly inadequate doing so, my childhood monster returned with a vengeance. Not only I spoke with a thick Russian accent, I also resumed my severe stutter and struggled to just get the words out. I felt voiceless and broken. My world collapsed. I no longer was a successful science editor, famous Dr. Anna Margolina, Ph.D., skin science expert. I was a house wife who couldn’t speak properly.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
In 2008, my son was born. I named him Michael, because I usually didn’t stutter much on words starting with an “M”. However, within 2 months, this simple name became the most impossible name to say. Imagine not being able to say your own baby’s name! I would lock myself in a bathroom and cry every chance I got. I felt inadequate and useless.
In 2009, I reached the rock bottom in my despair.
The good thing about reaching the rock bottom, however, is that it is a great place to start kicking. I knew, I had to find my voice!
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
First, I found a speech therapist. Elated and hopeful at first, soon, I started losing my spirit. Every week, I would come to her office and we would work on my speech. And every week, I would leave disappointed at my lack of progress. Was I too old? Was I not diligent enough? What was going on?
Then, also increasingly desperate, she once suggested, “Anna, I want you to stutter on purpose”
“What?!” I thought it was the most ridiculous idea! “Hey, lady, I try NOT to stutter! I hate stuttering! I don’t want to do it on purpose. This is ridiculous!”
But I was so desperate and finally I decided to try it. To my amazement, stuttering on purpose, made it much easier to speak and paradoxically I felt more in control. “Hmm, what was going on?”
I became so curious, I started researching if anybody else has used this method. This is how I came across a book, “Redefining Stuttering” by John Harrison. In this book, John was revealing his own story of overcoming the challenges of stuttering and becoming a fearless public speaker and teacher. He also presented a collection of stories written by other people who stuttered and, just like him, were able to gain freedom from this affliction. I devoured the book! I noticed that all these people were relentless in their pursuit of freedom. Rather than using one “miracle” cure, they were trying many different approaches. They all used some kind of a mind work – meditation, visualization, hypnosis, NLP. In addition, they consistently challenged themselves to speak in situations, which were scary or uncomfortable. Most importantly, these people were able to break the spell of shame and silence. They became passionate advocates for people who stutter.
I was inspired. I decided to try every single approach outlined in this groundbreaking book to find my way to freedom.
9. How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
I grew up in a culture, where mental, physical and emotional problems were considered shameful. I also grew up with demands for perfection in everything I did. Reading this book opened my eyes to a totally different perspective. There is no shame in having a challenge. Since then, if I see someone doing something imperfectly, clumsily and awkwardly, as they deal with their personal challenges, I applaud them. I know what it takes to speak with a broken voice. I know what it takes to push through fear. I know what it takes to fail as many times as needed. Sometimes it takes tremendous amount of courage to just show up and speak up.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
Some people are born with many talents, strengths, abilities, attractive appearance, good health, and into a favorable, nurturing environment. Others have to face various struggles – physical, mental, emotional, financial, social. It is quite pointless to compare yourself with others. The best we can do is to be supportive and accepting. This includes our own selves as well. Never judge the chapter of someone’s life you happened to walk into. Whether you are witnessing someone talented and successful or struggling and stumbling, hold your judgement. Always be kind.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
Some of the tools I used to liberate my speech and build my confidence included hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Taoist energy alchemy. I eventually started studying these tools professionally and made them my new career and life path. I also invested so much effort into building my speaking skills, that I became a speaker and trainer. My worst fears became my greatest calling.
12. How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
In the past I thought that courage was a mysterious quality, which only some very rare people had. I thought I myself was not one of these people. My story taught me that courage emerges from within when you have no other choice but to walk through the darkness.
13. Is there a particular message or advice you'd like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out. In particular, start reaching out to people who have achieved what you want. Ask them how they did it. Find your champions. Find your support team.
14. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
I grew up with a belief that I have to be able to solve my own problems and that reaching out is admitting my weakness. Knowing what I know now, I would reach out for support and guidance earlier.
15. How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
The work I had to do in order to overcome challenges of stuttering and fear of expressing myself was the work I needed to restore my sense of self. I developed my inner authority and spiritual strength through building a character I needed to find my freedom.
16. What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their life?
It is easy to feel alone. Yet, believe me or not, there are people who faced similar situations and are now willing to share their knowledge and resources, as well as provide support and encouragement. But you may never know it, if you let fears win the battle inside your head. The best way to begin is to take action steps. These steps do not have to be perfect. They do not have to be big steps. They can be fearful baby steps. They just have to be actual actions – not just wishes and thoughts in your head. Once you declare your strong intention to God, Universe, Great Spirit (whatever are your beliefs), or even just to your own self, by taking actual action steps, you will begin to meet friends, angels, guides and teachers. You will keep finding unexpected resources. You will discover your own untapped strengths and abilities. And your biggest reward will be discovering and unraveling the truer and bigger version of your own self.
About Dr. Anna Margolina:
Dr. Anna Margolina, Ph.D. was born and raised in the Soviet Union, Russia. She has a Master's Degree in Medical Biophysics and a Ph.D. in Biology from the Russian State Medical University. While still in Russia, she worked as a science editor for the Cosmetics & Medicine Journal. She moved to the U.S. in 2001 and had to re-imagine her life and career.
Her personal struggles with childhood stuttering inspired her to study hypnosis, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and energy medicine. These studies evolved into her passion and a new career. Today she is a hypnotherapist, Master NLP practitioner and a Universal Healing Tao instructor. She published a number of books, including "Chi Kung for radiant Skin: Taoist Secrets for Inner and Outer Beauty" co-authored with her Grandmaster Mantak Chia. She works with hypnotherapy clients privately and teaches classes and workshops.