I’m a 61-year-old woman and realize I was still living on “hold” waiting for something to change. I was not going forward or backward just on pause. What was I waiting for? I’m not sure if something or someone will come in and rescue me from my life. I had this image of what I thought I wanted but I wasn’t getting there any time soon. I wasn’t in physical pain but heartsick pain. I wanted a partner to share my life with. That sounds simple but in today’s world, that is harder than it sounds. I had a lot of girlfriends who had husbands or were single and were looking for the next husband or BF with whom they could fall in love and live happily ever after. I was one of them for years. I wanted a man to sweep me off my feet and take me away to a castle on the hill or at least a nice house in the country.
Many of my friends had gone through terrible breakups or scams or abuses and decided it would be better to be single for the rest of their lives. I can relate to that scenario as dating wasn’t getting me anywhere. They had too much baggage and couldn’t relate or they wanted a woman to replace their wife or they wanted sex and you could never tell them!
I did a lot of the usual goal setting, identifying who and what and where we would live and act like and how we would be compatible on all the right levels, well that just isn’t out there or someone already has them. There will always be something that isn’t perfect about a partner!
So what did I want???
I was a small business owner, Dog walker/Life Coach, I liked both businesses but they didn’t satisfy me. I wanted to have a partner to live life with, I was lonely. I wanted to travel and have adventures! Well God gave me a Gerry! I found him on the beach with his dog Tilly! He looked like a retired surfer hippie and it instantly took me back to my childhood growing up on the beach in our small town of Astoria! I have always loved the beach and anytime I want to get my bearings I just go to the beach. It was a place of reflection, relief, peace, joy, reviving, refreshing, and serenity! I realized that in that moment I was with a kindler spirit, a soul mate.
We met in September of 2020 when everyone was in lockdown and my girlfriends and I were hitting the beach to camp and get away from the city life. We were on the beach and Tilly found me followed by Gerry and we talked about the current events of the day. He had just come from Hood River and was heading home to Pacific Beach. I took a picture of him and Tilly and texted it to him. A couple of weeks later he called me. We talked a lot after that and in February of 2021, we met for lunch. We had so many things in common, he was a dreamer, a wanderer, and always ready for an adventure. I love that about him.
He invited me to his house in Pacific Beach and I walked in and had a premonition I would one day live there. I had never had that before so I tucked that away because well you just never know a person till you have an adventure and sure enough he was heading to Cabo San Lucas and invited me to join him! Here was the start of our story; of course we had an amazing time! We traveled all over the area, never staying in any place for more than a few days! Enough to see amazing sights, great food, sunsets, and sunrises! He was a romantic and loved to enjoy the beach in every way! I realized this was what my life was missing. What my soul craved and my heart desired!
I still wasn’t ready to give up my home but I was open to spending more time with Gerry and Tilly. Which is what we did, he would drive to meet me or I would drive to meet him. We took many trips for long weekends or stayed at his other home in Mineral by Mineral Lake. Both homes were by water and were so peaceful that you never wanted to leave. Of course, Gerry needed a lot of work, he was a guy’s guy! Not into cleaning up or cooking but he did anything outside he could do. He loved to ski and the mountains or hike or walk the beaches which were always close to us. I started craving this lifestyle and could see myself there.
So what does this have to do with courage?
When I took my rose-colored glasses off I realized that this life wasn’t practical! I had responsibilities, I had a life in Camas, I had a dog walking business, and how could I walk away from all of that? I had lived in Camas for 10 years, which was a long time for me) I was scared to leave my security, my safety net. As much as I wanted this for me I was scared of making a mistake. Could I live with them, what were my deal breakers, what would I give up for this relationship? He definitely could be a stubborn man to live with and I hadn’t lived full-time with a guy in years.
Were the trade-offs worth it?
I wasn’t getting any younger and didn’t have much in the way of saving for my future retirement. Gerry was retired and in reasonably good health. Money was good between us as long as I was working too but it was getting to a place where the driving back and forth was getting old for both of us. We missed each other when we weren't together.
So in November of 2023, we bought an RV and had visions of adventures in our new RV, which was an older class C, it seemed at the time to be a good decision but as we soon found out it was a lot of work and we knew nothing about RVing!!!! Very small bed for 2 adults and 2 dogs and what was black and grey water, how does the electrical work and where does everything go? It turned into a nightmare and a money pit!!! However, we pursued on and decided to drive to the Baja and see what it is like to live in an RV!!!!
Since we were adventurers we found all the cheap places to camp! We even drove Highway 1 of the California coastline! WOW was that a rollercoaster ride! Beautiful but scary as heck! We drove through the Saw Tooth Mountains and spent a few days at the Sultan Sea, Ca. We saw so many incredible beaches, mountains, and crazy artful areas like East Jesus, Salvation MT, and Bombay City, 249 ft below sea level! Finally made it to Baja and spent 7 nights dry camping at La Gringa Bay!
This is where I found my courage to make a life change for me! I’m in the middle of a desert and God gave me a lot of time to pray, think, and reflect about who I was, where I came from, my roots, and what my future would be with Gerry. It’s amazing how much we fill our life with and how loud it can get in our heads but when you get into nature, no internet, just you and your Gerry, a beautiful sunset, and sounds of the ocean you get to your authentic self. You meet yourself there and remember what your passion for living and your purpose in life is. I found it there and I left my indecision there too!
We had put ourselves in a 25’ RV with 2 dogs and traveled for 5 weeks and didn’t kill each other but further fell in love with each other! I knew that I could live this life. I just had to surrender to letting go of what I thought my life should look like and see my life as a new life with a partner who was ready to embrace life together.
We came back to the PNW and I had decided to move in and sell my business and move after 10 years to the beach with Gerry. He had been in my life for over 3 years and it was time to make it more permanent. I have to tell you I’m a very stable person and like my home and it is very hard to make a change in my home environment but something inside of me was finding an itch to move. It was a premonition I was feeling like God was nudging me to change. A month earlier I was getting the urge to clean out my closet and clutter corners. I told my mom I felt anxious like something was moving me to change. I didn’t know what it was but it was getting stronger. So when Gerry and I went on our RV trip I realized that feeling was the urging to move toward my authentic lifestyle. I wanted to feel free to create something that wasn’t the same old thing, something new; this creative energy started welling up inside of me and the beach just kept calling me closer. There was a charge coming and a new chapter starting for me. So I gathered up all my courage and started on this path!
For 6 weeks I packed up my 2 bedroom house, sold my business, and was still walking my dogs and working on making a podcast for the Menowave menopause group. It was a zoo in my life but everything was moving together. I had many great girlfriends who came around and supported me through the whole packing process. If it wasn’t for them keeping me from falling apart emotionally I would have cried the whole time but they kept me strong and on track! Everything came together in such a way that made sense. It was a God thing! I prayed every day to give me strength and bring the right people into my life and sure enough he did! I know I was on the right path. Yes, I was scared but I knew this was bigger than I and I was now on a new adventure and God was in control as He always is!
We made it through the move! I thought my body wouldn’t hold up but it did and I was so proud of Gerry, he and I unpacked a 26’ U-Haul by ourselves and made it fit into a 2-car garage! The amount of work we did was incredible for 2 old people! It was like we were a team and made everything happen and when it was over I was so tired I couldn’t stand up!!! We both slept for a few days!
It’s been 5 weeks since the move and I’m finally getting my bearings under me. I have my clothes finally in a closet and my office set up. It still feels surreal and I’m still not sure what my new direction is but I feel like there is so much opportunity ahead of me. I didn’t think for sure I would make this new turn in my life work but here I am and every day God is showing me new ways to see my new world and why he put me here. I was made for a small community and it feels like home.
I have new opportunities that I’m working on in my life coaching business, Body Mind Coaching, which was just always on the sidelines and now I can focus on recreating my passion. I have created new relationships and met new friends and have a sense of belonging. Gerry and I walk our dogs on the beach 2x a day and I am renewing my inner strength and know this is my home and a place I belong.
Lessons learned
Trust God! He will show you the path you are to be on! Sometimes it zig zags around but that is the journey he will put you on to learn the life lessons you need to live in your new chapter of life. Trust yourself and listen to your gut! Dig deep and listen to your heart. Don’t be afraid to be open to new changes in your life. Ask for confirmation before you choose your path! Sometimes it doesn’t make sense but there is a reason and we don’t always know until we get there. You only have one life to live so make it your most authentic life! Follow your passion!