1. Describe the moment when you knew you had to tap into your inner courage and make changes in your life.
I was so miserable in my life I didn’t want to live anymore. I was going to a job I despised and coming home to a cold and unloving home. I felt like I was living on repeat, with nothing to look forward to in life. It got to the point where I was drinking every night to numb the pain and I didn’t see any way out.
2. Walk us through the pivotal moment when you decided to act courageously. What was going through your mind? How did you feel at that moment?
I was becoming physically ill, I was emotionally and spiritually dead inside, and just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
My children were constantly in their rooms, they did not want to be around me or my husband any more than they absolutely had to. Looking into my children's eyes I could see they were unhappy and hurting too. I could see I was not just hurting myself anymore, I was hurting my children. My marriage was in shambles, we avoided each other as much as possible and when we were together all we did was fight. I could see what this was doing to my kids, and I just didn't want to hurt them anymore.
3. What inspired or motivated you to take the courageous step you did? What were a few of the first steps you took? What major actions did you have to take?
I tried several times to stop drinking and finally came to the realization I couldn’t do it on my own. I knew I was the only one who could change it and I wanted happiness back in my home. I investigated options for treatment centers & found a wonderful place in Kirkland just for women. I went to an orientation there and a short time after that I started their Extensive outpatient treatment program.
4. Paint a picture of what your life was like before you encountered the challenge that called for you to summon your courage.
I started drinking at an early age. My childhood was not a happy one and the moment I discovered Alcohol it became my solution for everything. It made me feel comfortable in my own skin where I never did growing up. I always felt like an outsider, like I was different, I was invisible, and I didn’t fit in anywhere. Alcohol gave me the courage to fit in, be confident, and belong… so I thought.
I thought life was good and partying the way I did was normal. This went on for years and my alcohol use became increasingly worse. I went through two marriages; my first one was a very physically and mentally abusive one where I was lucky to escape with my life. The second one who I thought was my soul mate ended up addicted to cocaine.
I became pregnant with my beautiful daughter and believed this would change everything and we would live happily ever after. Of course, it didn’t work out that way, it ended with me kicking him out because I gave him the ultimatum of his drugs, or his family and he could not have both. Unfortunately, the drug addiction was too strong, and it won.
I met my current husband in a bar when my daughter was 3 years old. We had a great time together and I thought I finally met a good man. We were great for the first 6 years or so, but our alcohol consumption became increasingly worse, and we started fighting. I got pregnant with my son and once again I thought this would change everything and we would go back to being happy again.
Things were pretty good for about 4 more years, until our alcohol consumption grew to the point of being uncontrollable and we were fighting all the time. One-night things escalated, the police were called, and off went my husband to jail. This ended his drinking career, but he was angry and resentful because he had to quit drinking and took it out on the whole family.
I on the other hand continued to drink because I felt it was his problem not mine. Things just went from bad to worse in our house. It got to the point where I would go to work, stop at the liquor store on the way home, get a pint, and just check out until I had to do it again the next day. My kids confined themselves to their rooms unless it was dinner time, and when my husband was home, we didn’t talk or we fought.
5. Were there any doubts or fears you had to overcome before taking action? How did you manage them?
I was full of fear! First, at that point I honestly didn’t think I could stop drinking. I was very sick and thought I would end up killing myself with alcohol. My marriage was so bad at that time, I thought this would be the end of it. I believed my husband would use me seeking help to take everything from me including my kids.
Although I still had a good paying job, I was unsure how I would support myself and the kids on my salary alone. And I was worried about people at work finding out and me possibly losing my job.
However, I knew things had to change. I couldn't go on this way because I was killing myself and then where would my kids be, not to mention living in this environment was torture for them and it had to change.
6. What were some of the challenges or obstacles you faced during your journey to overcome this particular challenge?
I had to admit I was powerless over alcohol and my life. Becoming humble and admitting I needed help because I could not do it on my own, was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I did not understand alcoholism as a disease, and I was overcome with guilt and shame. Going to extensive outpatient treatment took a lot of courage, time, and commitment. After work, I was either going to the treatment center for classes or AA meetings every night.
This left very little time for my family, and even though we did not speak much before, I missed the little time we did have together even if it was just having dinner together, because that was one thing we still had. I always made sure there was dinner on the table, and we had that time together.
7. Tell us about a memorable anecdote or turning point in your courageous journey.
The biggest turning point for me was when I started working with a sponsor and I was through my treatment program. I was feeling grateful for being alive for the first time in a long time.
Everything started turning around. My kids were glad to see me walk through the door after work, we had some deep meaningful conversations and my daughter expressed how proud she was of me!
This was just the beginning of my personal development; my husband and I started marriage counseling and we both went through some intense personal development programs. I went back to school to obtain my bachelor’s degree and was able to get better jobs within the company that I was more suited for.
It has been over 12 years, and my life just keeps getting better all the time. My husband and I are happier than we have ever been. My relationship with my children is amazing today. We enjoy each other’s company, we go on trips together, and just love spending time together. I was able to position myself to retire early so I could pursue a coaching business helping other women and this is my true calling in life.
8. What role models or sources of support helped you stay strong and resilient?
First it was my counselor and a few other women in the women’s treatment center, then it was women I connected with in AA meetings and my AA sponsor. This was the beginning of me building a network of supportive women around me and I could not imagine my life without them today!
9. How did this experience impact your life and your perception of courage?
I did not know what courage was before going through this experience. I was taught at an early age courage and strength is what it takes to do what was expected of you, don’t show your emotions and just push to be perfect or better than anyone else and you will do fine.
10. What lessons or wisdom have you gained from this experience that you'd like to share with others?
Don’t allow past beliefs from childhood control you as an adult. Everyone is worthy of love and acceptance. Addiction is a disease, and you don’t have to continue living in shame and guilt trying to control something that is out of your control. It is not a weakness if you ask for help or seek support when you need it.
11. What unexpected or positive outcomes emerged from your courageous actions?
I truly love myself today, my marriage is stronger than ever, my whole family believes in self-improvement and strives to be better every day. I realized all the things I was led to believe as a child were not true. I don’t have to settle for what I think I deserve or live in fear because I don’t think I am good enough. I have the privilege of helping other women today reignite the passions inside of them to live a life they absolutely love.
12. How do you define courage, and how has your definition evolved through your own experiences?
I was raised to push emotions down and do whatever it took to survive and that is what I believed courage was. This experience taught me real courage is owning your feelings, loving yourself, stepping into your truth, setting healthy boundaries, owning your strengths and weaknesses, and knowing when to ask for help.
13. Is there a particular message or advice you'd like to convey to other women who may be facing similar challenges?
You are beautiful just the way you are and don’t let past beliefs or anyone else’s opinion determine how you feel about yourself, your abilities, or determine your self-worth in any way. We are all children of God, and he does not want us to settle or be unhappy. We are all deserving of anything we desire, and we can make it happen we just have to believe and have faith in ourselves and the universe.
14. In retrospect, do you have any regrets or things you would have done differently?
Yes and no, I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t go through everything I went through in life. It would have been nice to learn some of these things a little earlier in life, but I am grateful and blessed to have become the person I am today because of it.
15. How has this experience shaped your identity or sense of self?
I went from not believing in myself, believing I was not good enough, and pushing down any feelings I had because I didn’t know how to process them. To believing in myself, knowing I am a great person, embracing my feeling and emotions to be the best version of myself, and focusing on bringing love and light to everyone around me.
16. What would you say to someone who is hesitant or afraid to take a courageous step in their life.
You can have fear but don’t let fear have you. Every time you have the courage to move through the fear you come out on the other side of it a better person. You become stronger and more confident to do more, have more, and be more. Fear is good because it is a signal that things are changing, so embrace fear and go for it! You deserve everything you can imagine and more!!